The Lord giveth excitement,
The Lord taketh excitement away
He who died, that we may be excited
A world gearing up to celebrate the birth of one of humanity's purest souls has been thrown back upon the hard ground of reality by the death of another. Today, Big Kev died.
Big Kev was ill for some time. Shortly before His death he was heard to remark: "... I didn't think much of it until the next night when I got halfway through a Crownie [Crown Lager] and couldn't finish it, A panic set in because I knew something was drastically wrong." Many of the world's greatest rock stars came together for Him, with the hit charity single Does Big Kev Know It's Christmas? [mp3] [Album website]. But the forces that controlled His fate were beyond the reach of even Irish rockstars.
For many years to come, historians and theologians will have a lucrative cottage industry in comparing and contrasting the life of Big Kev with the life of Jesus. The parallels are obvious, but in point of detail they are not as similar as they may first appear.
Fact: Jesus never appeared on national TV selling cleaning products.
Fact: Jesus never draped himself in Australian flag clothing.
Fact: Jesus was nowhere near as fat as Big Kev.
Sure, Jesus did some good stuff too, like wandering around being nice to people, and curing leprosy and stuff. But if moral virtue were decided by sumo wrestling, as it still is in many tribal societies around the world, and certain highly developed gorilla communities, there seems little doubt that Big Kev would emerge most virtuous.
Some analysts have suggested that, in the wake of Big Kev's passing, world excitement will reach an all time low. But I think that is missing the point of His message. Surely He would have wanted us to be just as excited as ever, perhaps more so. A sun has set, but the sun also rises, and the time between sunset and sunrise can be pretty exciting too.
And, isn't it comforting to know that somewhere up there, He is looking down on us, and giving us two very enthusiastic thumbs up?
Big Kev was ill for some time. Shortly before His death he was heard to remark: "... I didn't think much of it until the next night when I got halfway through a Crownie [Crown Lager] and couldn't finish it, A panic set in because I knew something was drastically wrong." Many of the world's greatest rock stars came together for Him, with the hit charity single Does Big Kev Know It's Christmas? [mp3] [Album website]. But the forces that controlled His fate were beyond the reach of even Irish rockstars.
For many years to come, historians and theologians will have a lucrative cottage industry in comparing and contrasting the life of Big Kev with the life of Jesus. The parallels are obvious, but in point of detail they are not as similar as they may first appear.
Fact: Jesus never appeared on national TV selling cleaning products.
Fact: Jesus never draped himself in Australian flag clothing.
Fact: Jesus was nowhere near as fat as Big Kev.
Sure, Jesus did some good stuff too, like wandering around being nice to people, and curing leprosy and stuff. But if moral virtue were decided by sumo wrestling, as it still is in many tribal societies around the world, and certain highly developed gorilla communities, there seems little doubt that Big Kev would emerge most virtuous.
Some analysts have suggested that, in the wake of Big Kev's passing, world excitement will reach an all time low. But I think that is missing the point of His message. Surely He would have wanted us to be just as excited as ever, perhaps more so. A sun has set, but the sun also rises, and the time between sunset and sunrise can be pretty exciting too.
And, isn't it comforting to know that somewhere up there, He is looking down on us, and giving us two very enthusiastic thumbs up?
posted by I-Rock at 12:16 PM
11 Comments:
That's actually really sad.
If Bert goes, I may be a gibberng mess.
Moira can bugger off any time, though.
xxx
It is really sad, but its times like these that you have to focus on the happy times...
...like the time Big Kev was pulled over for drink driving and he used the excuse that someone spiked his pavlova.
Ian - any word on whose authoring the books of the newest testament?
lb - There's round-the-clock Big Kev tributes on swedish tv at the moment. Everything from choke-back-the-tears laughter about the good times, to election-night-style analysis of just what his legacy will be, hosted by Kerry O'Brien (yes, he's on Swedish tv now. ABC was too pinko for him).
I'll keep you posted on what they come up with. But if there's one thing I've learnt in life it's this: To have a chapter about you in the bible, all you need is sufficient diciples. And Big Kev certainly had plenty of those!
k - agreed on Moira. Last I saw that hag she was doing some self-mocking bit on Rove's show. Bert-coattail-riding hag.
Bert, meanwhile, has been poached by channel 9, where they plan on keeping him alive forever with spare body parts purchased illegally from a nearby hospital.
Why am I thinking of an International Big Kev song contest tribute...?
(I guess its because I want to).
divine inspiration?
I want to chime in with my favorite album title / band name at the moment.
Band Name: "The Soft Pink Truth"
Album: "Do you want new wave or do you want the soft pink truth?"
That is all I have to add. It is relevant cause it gets me excited, and Big Kev would have been all for the soft pink truth if it got him excited. AND - Jesus was a lot about the "truth" or at least, like talking about it, and I don’t think would have minded if it was soft and pink to boot.
Moira probably would have chosen “new wave”.
Yo yo! Can you smell forward in time to the sweet stench of your own armpit in January? The REEF TRIP AWAITS.
Smelling forward is a very interesting concept, Dr. Cok. Have you been out licking frogs again?
Ahhh reef life... Day after day of kicking back on the sand, sweating like a ----, smelling my own armpit.
It's like there's a party in my nose, and Robert Downey Jnr just showed up!
He hasn't not been licking frogs.
Fricking Moira.
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